Save Me From Myself
by Burgers n Tea
Summary: Kirishima has had a voice in his head, telling him how he doesn't have what it takes to be a hero and, later, a friend to his classmates of 1-A. Can he be saved from the endless spiral of self hate and self doubt, or will he be left to break? / Contains Bakushima/ KiriBaku, TodoDeku and other ships (( contains depression, homophobia and insomnia, so please be wary. GROWN UP AU))
1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

" _There is no point in all of this. Look, you can leave right now and nobody would care_ "

 **OoOoO**

Kirishima had been laying in his bed spacing out, ignoring the laughter and cheers from outside his dorm room. Although he would've liked to join in the celebration for moving in and becoming a 'family', the redhead simply couldn't bring himself to get out. Hearing hateful words from his stepmother about how he was a "disgusting human being" or how he was a "sad waste of space" starting to get to him. He handled the discrimitory words for the first few months before they seriously got to him. He started to think that there was some truth in that, and eventually let the words seep under his skin. _They say words cut deeper than knives_ , a statement often looked over as no one could truly relate to the phrase. Kirishima would admit he, too, was one of those people who looked over the simple phrase that he now understands truly.

Though, Kirishima was the outgoing, happy- go- lucky social butterfly, he had such a serious inferiority complex, causing him to usual put himself down on the inside. Sometimes he'd just stare out his window and ask himself how he even got into UA in the first place, the voice in his head telling him how he had no chance of becoming a hero and that he was taking up space for someone who was _actually worthy_ of studying at UA. The voice had actually told him that he didn't deserve all the kind friends he had made during his time at the school and that he deserves to just be alone. " _Don't waste their time, you're a pain and they all think it."_ The voice told him when the class asked him to join them in the celebration. And, although the redhead didn't want to believe it, he had excused himself, saying he had been worn out from the training they did that day. Luckily they understood and let him go to his dorm room without asking any more questions.

" _Hear that?"_ The voice in his head said, the voice sounding cold and quite loud. " _They're having fun without you. They are having fun because you aren't there."_ Kirishima felt his heart ache. He deeply cared for everyone and hearing the voice say they were having a good time because he would have ruined the party hit home. Small tears threatened his eyes, but he wiped the tears away, telling himself it was manly to cry over something so trivial as that. Sighing deeply, the redhead turned onto his side, so he was now facing the wall, and tried his best to go to sleep. Though, his brain was running a hundred miles per hour, thinking of how his father and stepmother— his tormentors for so many years— were pleased to have him out the house. Although they didn't show it, since All Might and Aizawa Sensei was there, the redhead knew deep down they only wanted him being one, he kept their taxes down so they wouldn't have to pay as much and two, when he became a hero they could squander money off him. It hurt, he'd admit, but he would rather keep to himself.

The boy had a restless night, listening to the cheers of his classmates and Iida yelling at them to go to sleep. It made him smile at how everyone were so strong and amazingly talented people. Even Mineta; There was something about him that said he could be a great hero. And then there's Kirishima, the fake redhead who had such a boring quirk that he'd probably bore the villains until they surrender. " _You know, there's always that,"_ the voice in his head said, almost mockingly. Kirishima didn't want to think about _that_ , so he shook his head and told himself that wasn't what he wanted. It wasn't a manly way to go.

" _Come on, look at you. Nothing about you is at all manly. You might as well be mistaken for dog shit, not a manly hero. Give it up already._ " The voice said, sounding frustrated that Kirishima wouldn't allow himself to take in to the temptation. Instead, the boy merely got up from his bed and stared at the clock hanging on the wall. It was three in the morning. By now, Iida had finally gotten everyone to go back to their dorm rooms to sleep, so this was the perfect time to sneak out for some fresh air.

Pushing his door open, Kirishima looked down the halls to his right, thankful his dorm was near the end of the hall, and seeing no one there, he snuck out. Closing the doors to the dorms, Kirishima took a long, deep breath, feeling the slight breeze brush against his face. During this time of the day was always so calming, the fact no one else was awake gave Kirishima a sense of peacefulness, knowing no one was there to torment him on how weak he really was. Not even the voice said anything during this time, leaving Kirishima by himself with only his thoughts. The redhead took a small walk around the school, stretching his muscles so they wouldn't ache later. Until he heard it again.

" _There is no point in all of this. Look, you can leave right now and nobody would care. Hell, I bet they would be relieved._ "

This stopped the boy in his tracks, eyes widened by the sudden appearance of the voice. This was the only time he could escape the truth of his self hate and doubt, but now that was gone. The little thread that kept Kirishima from totally losing it was gone. His sanctuary, blown up because of that one damn voice.

 **OoOoO**

The next morning, everyone had gathered in the canteen, collecting their breakfast while talking to friends. The one that seemed to be missing was the lovable redhead. "Hey, Mina, have you heard from Kirishima? I tried knocking on his door this morning but I didn't get an answer." Kaminari asked his best friend Mina Ashido; They she says to just call her Mina.

The pink haired girl looked confused before turning into a toothy grin. "You know, I bet he's just sleeping in. You know Kirishima, he's probably worn out from yesterday's training." Mina replied, convincing the blonde. "You're probably right," Kaminari said, replicating the toothy grin Mina had plastered on her face. Though, Kamiari got slightly anxious when the redhead didn't show up for most of breakfast and when he did, he looked like he hadn't slept at all. "Kirishima, my bro, you don't look good." Kaminari said once the redhead had taken his place opposite him. "Did you get any sleep last night?" Kirishima just bit his lower like before shaking his head.

"Kirishima, it's a Saturday. You should probably have stayed at the dorms and asked us to bring some food over to you." Mina butted in, a concerning expression on her face. Kirishima simply shook his head again and rested his head in his folded arms on the table. "It's just a headache, that's all." Kirishima finally spoke up, sounding like he was dying. This cause his two friends to look at the other before Kaminari finally spoke up. "Dude, you sound like your dying. Is everything okay?" Again, no response except for a mere nod. The two worried parties sighed. "Whatever you say bro," Kaminari said before giving up on finding out what was wrong with his friend.

Meanwhile, the voice in Kirishima's head kept taunting him, saying how he didn't deserve the friends he had and should just leave the school. " _They might find someone actually useful to take your place if you left._ " The voice taunted, sounding more pleased with every word it said.

 **OoOoO**

"The fuck, you want me to tutor you turds?" Bakugou asked, smirking in amusement at the four at his door. Three looked desperate, saying how they didn't want to get kicked out the school because of how low their grades were, but the redhead of the group looked dazed. Kirishima seemed to be more interested in whatever was going on in his head than where he really was. "First, the hell is wrong with shit hair," Bakugou asked, pointing at the redhead. The three shrugged a response, telling Bakugou how they had been trying to bring Kirishima around town for some fun, but he never really seemed interested. "It started from this morning," Mina added, glancing worriedly at the redhead.

"Whatever, but we're doing this in the lounge, not my room. Meet me there in ten minutes," Bakugou growled before slamming the door in the group's faces. They Mina, Kaminari and Sero cheered while Kirishima still was looking at the wall, completely forgetting his surroundings.

 **OoOoO**

An hour had passed since Bakugou started tutoring the group and he was getting extremely pissed. Instead of asking how to _do_ a question, which slightly pissed the blonde, they just asked him the answers, making him very pissed. "Okay, why the fuck didn't you just ask to copy off my homework instead of wasting my time tutoring you guys? I could be doing something better to waste my time than doing this bull." Bakugou said, sounding very irritated. Not to mention the annoying face Kirishima had been pulling. It pissed him off.

"Because you can't say no!~ Even if you wanted to," Mina said, grinning mischievously at Bakugou. This pissed Bakugou even more. "Fuck it, I couldn't care less whether you shit turds fail or not. I refuse to teach you guys anything." And with that, Bakugou stormed off, not taking anything with him since he didn't have anything he brought in the first place, and went to his dorm room, slamming the door behind him.

"Man, Balugou is seriously such a dick," Jiro said, whom had been lounging around on one of the sofas and watching the scene play out, very amused. "By the way, what's up with red hair over there," the girl pointed to Kirishima who was sitting beside Mina, looking even more dazed than before, if that was even possible. The three merely looked at one another. "We're trying to find out ourselves," Sero said, scratching his nape and grinning. He looked slightly worried for his friend, but who wouldn't? Kirishima had never been so out of it since they had met him, making this extremely strange for the three of them. On the other hand, Jiro simply nodded before saying, "He'll probably be back to earth tomorrow." Sero, Mina and Kaminari all looked at each other, all having the same thought.

 _' We hope so.'_

 **OoOoO**

 _Author's Note: Ah, thanks for reading! I know Kirishima is very much out of character, but my friend( the person who had depression and helped me write this chapter) was very much out of character on some days while being her usual self on others. Anyways, please leave a review for this chapter telling me what you think so far! Farewell, amigos!~_


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

 _" Do you ever have a voice in your head? "_

 **OoOoO**

Bakugou slammed his dorm's door shut, grunting in slight annoyance. How could that redhead be so annoying yet cute at the same time? Bakugou leaned against the door, face flushing a deep red when he remembered the cute yet annoying face a while ago. The blonde gritted his teeth in frustration, looking around for something to blown up using his quirk. Once he couldn't find anything, he he bit his lower lip and stayed standing there, taking deep breaths until he could calm himself. It frustrated the male on why he kept thinking about the annoying redhead, loving the little things he would do while not paying attention during class. The adorable face the other would make when he was thinking of the answer to an equation and the pouty face he'd make when he got an answer wrong. All these little things were glued to Bakugou's, making his heart race and chest ache, also irritating him even more because of it. Deeply sighing, the blonde slip to the ground, not removing his back from the door's touch. Bakugou let out an exasperated sigh while brushing his fingers through his blonde locks, cheeks having a light link tint to them. That is, until he remembered 'shitty hair's' troubled look from when him and his friends appeared at Bakugou's door.

The boy furrowed his brows, feeling a sinking feeling in his stomach before he got even more aggravated. "Why the hell should I care about that shit hair? It's none of my fucking business anyways," he swore to himself, grumbling a string of _colourful_ words. Although Bakugou swore a lot, he seriously had such a large vocabulary of swear words. Bakugou stood from his spot on the ground and walked over to his punchingbag that hung from the ceiling in the middle of the room. He started punching the bag full of sand, letting all his frustration. He started thinking of Kirishima's troubled face again and stopped, instead looking down to his bruised knuckles.

He stayed silent, debating with his mind on something that could possibly hurt his pride. Was it seriously worth it? He stood there for a long while, squinting his eyes as time passed.

". . . Fuck me," Bakugou grumbled as he waited outside the redhead's door, slightly regretting knocking on the first place. Not another moment had passed when Kirishima finally opened his door, his eyes wide in surprise to see who had knocked. The troubled male had light pink cheeks and slightly red eyes, almost as if he had been crying. "Bakugou, um, I didn't know you'd be visiting," Kirishima said awkwardly, putting on a fake smile which looked extremely unnatural. Bakugou furrowed his brows, quickly thinking of a stupid idea that might fool the other. "There's gonna be a pop quiz on Monday so I thoughts if help you so you won't fail," Bakugou lied, smirking slightly at his clever excuse. On the other hand, Kirishima's eyes widened even more, a shocked expression plastered on his face. "Oh," he mumbled before yelling the rest. "Give me a minute!" After that, Kirishima slammed the door in Bakugou's face, making the blonde jump. There was shuffling heard from inside the dorm, seeming as if Kirishima was cleaning up. Bakugou merely brushed this off, thinking Kirishima just didn't know how to maintain his room. After another minute of noises coming from Kirishima's room, the redhead finally opened the door, allowing the other into his room.

Something was definitely wrong. The last time Bakugou was there, there were a crap ton of posters of Kirishima's favourite hero Crimaon Riot and a few figures of him displayed on the bookshelves, but the figures were instead replaced with dust growing on the empty spaces. The places on the walls where the posters were had nothing but very faint claw marks and a bit of paper still stuck onto the wall. "Sorry about today," Kirishima said, a small smile on his face as he brushed his hair through his now loosely tied hair. Bakugou would admit, Kirishima looked way more better with the change of hair, but didn't say anything. Instead, he plopped himself in his usual spot and said, "I don't really give a damn. Now lets just get started, alright?" Kirishima nodded before taking out a few notebooks with notes he had written down and brought it to the blonde. Bringing a small table to place the study materials on, the two started the session.

Kirishima looked slightly dazed, nodding whenever Bakugou asked him a question or if the blonde was scolding him for getting an answer wrong.

"Hey, shitty hair," Bakugou said calming, snapping Kirishima out of his thoughts. The tone didn't sound quite right, but it was a nice change. "You okay? You seem a bit," Bakugou hesitated, searching his mental dictionary for the right word to use. ", off." Kirishima looked down at his crossed legs, chuckling dryly. Bakugou crossed his arms, waiting for an answer. The two stayed silent for a minute or two until Bakugou saw Kirishima's shoulders move up and down violently. The redhead looked up, have tears threatening his eyes, and made a dry laugh. "God, he's right," Kirishima said, wiping the tears away with his palm. "I really am a crybaby, huh?" Kirishima looked at Bakugou, expecting a harsh reply, but didn't get one. Bakugou simply stared at the scene in front of him, debating whether he was posed for Kirishima getting side tracked, confused from the sudden tears, or heart broken from this change. Nobody in class 1- A believed the caring, manly, amazing redhead was capable of tears, but _here he was_. In front of Bakugou, in tears while calling himself a _crybaby_. Bakugou fit his lower lip before standing from his place on the bed. Kirishima, due to his awful view of himself, thought that Bakugou would laugh at him, take a picture and tell the entire class, but instead the blonde did the last thing he'd expect anyone to do. Bakugou _hugged_ him. The hotheaded, anti- social asshole was hugging _him_. "I have no fucking clue what you're going through right now, but it's okay." Bakugou said softly, almost as if he was trying to comfort Kirishima.

The redhead hugged the other boy out, letting out a chocked sob. He had the voice pointing out all his faults, all his weaknesses all day and now someone was _hugging_ him. And when Bakugou wrapped his arms around the crying teen, the voice stopped. It was replaced with the calming voice of Bakugou telling him it was okay. "Shit, I'm sorry for doing this to you," Kirishima said through his gritted teeth, not wanting to be a pain to Bakugou. "Shut up shit hair," Bakugou growled, but a little less like he usually growled. "I don't mind." The blonde whispered the last part, but Kirishima heard it loud and clear. At that moment, Kirishima felt safe, like he had finally been wanted after for so long. His entire world brightened at that moment, enveloping in warmth, but literally and metaphorically. Digging his face into Bakugou's shoulder, Kirishima had finally stopped crying. "Do you ever have a voice in your head?" Kirishima asked finally after the two had been in the embrace for almost a minute. Bakugou raised his eyebrows and shook his head, knowing the other could feel the motion of his head moving sideways. Kirishima took a hesitant breath, wondering whether what he was going to confess was a good idea or not. "I doesn't matter, it's nothing." Kirishima mumbled, pushing away from the other's comfort. He knew he didn't deserve the sense of security, finally listening to the words of the voice. It cut deep, even more so than those on a hero's chest after a fight with a powerful villain. No, this was much deeper, making the reshead's heart ache. He didn't like having to leave Bakugou's embrace, but he had to. He, not the voice, told himself he didn't deserve it, any of it; The sense of love, security. "Forget about it, will you?" Kirishima asked the blonde, grinning sheepishly.

"Whatever," Bakugou muttered, a light pink tint on his cheeks before he stood up. "I'm going to bed, night shit hair." With that, Bakugou headed for the door. Before leaving the room entirely, he quietly said, "Whatever you're going through, don't keep it to yourself. Dumbass.", and left, closing the door behind him like a _normal_ human being. The kind words of Bakugou left the boy dumbfound. That is until the voice came back. " _Oh look, Bakugou's probably going to laugh about what happened just now. Honestly, there's nothing left for you. Just do it._ " Kirishima bit his upper lip, wanting nothing more than to just go to bed. Of course, that wasn't happening, meaning he'd have to be stuck with the voice in his head all night, tell him to do _it_. And thus, another sleepless night commenced.

 **OoOoO**

Kirishima got into class early, the lack of being _able to sleep_ led him to getting out of the dorms earlier then anyone and head to homeroom. It was quiet, the one very thing Kirishima hated with his very soul. It let the voice become louder, making it hard for him to find motivation to do _anything_. An example of this was just that morning, when the voice told him it was a waste to do his hair in it's usual style. " _Nobody cares how you do your hair anyways. And besides, you look absolutely ridiculous with it, so you should stop wasting your time,"_ is what it said, leading to him now having his hair loosely tied into a ponytail, out of the way from his face. The reason it was loosely tied was because he hadn't put much effort into tying his hair that morning. Luckily, there wasn't any physical training that day, so he wouldn't have needed to tie it tightly. The boy rested his head in his arms, closing his eyes in hopes of catching a few minutes of sleep after his restless week. Sadly, nothing, the voice simply mocking him about his flaws and how pathetic he must look.

"Oi, shitty hair, what are you doing here?" A familiar, yet calming voice called out the the redhead. The sudden noise caused Kirishima to jump and stare at the new arrival. "I would ask you the same thing," Kirishima replied purely in confusion. Bakugou was _always_ almost late to home room, always entering a few seconds before the bell, making it strange to see him to class at that time. Bakugou scoffed in reply before walking past Kirishima to his seat, the events of that night replayed in his mind, causing Bakugou's face to turn a bright red. Of course, Kirishima didn't notice, due to his going back to his old position of hiding his tired looking face in his arms. The two sat in the classroom quietly in the room, Bakugou reading over a couple of his notes while taking a few glances at the redhead before blushing, while Kirishima stayed in the same position. He hadn't noticed a couple of his fellow classmates already enter the room before he heard a shocked gasp and a familiar feminine voice yell, "Kirishima, is that you?" In response, the redhead lifted his head, revealing the usually smiling face to the trio that had entered the room. It turns out, the one that had yelled was Mina while the two accompanying her was Sero and Kaminari. "Oh, good morning," Kirishima said, smiling with a small wave. It looked like the alien- like girl was about to cry when she ran over to the redhead to pull him into a tight embrace. "What the heck's wrong?" Kirishima asked, trying to wiggle his way out of the tight embrace. By now, Kaminari and Sero joined in the embrace, worried for their friend.

"You were totally out of it yesterday bro," Kaminari answered, finally releasing Kirishima from their tight grip. "You scared us." Kirishima looked at the trio with his usual smile, calming the nerves of his worried friends. "I just didn't get much sleep that night. But no worries, I'm feeling much better after a good night's sleep." Kirishima felt guilty for lying to his friends, but he couldn't tell them the truth. Just like the voice said, he was weak. "Dude, what's up with your hair?" Sero pointed out, motioning to the redhead's unusual hair style. Kirishima bit the inside of his upper lip before saying, "I didn't feel like doing it today." To be honest, it wasn't _necessaryily_ a lie, more like stretching the truth. He just didn't have the motivation to do his hair, much like losing motivation in doing _anything_. "Whatever, its looks great either way," Mina smiled, patting the redhead's back before walking off to her seat. Once the other two went to their seats, Kirishima rested his head back into his arms, slowly losing the motivation to socialise. " _It's not as if they actually care about you. They talk to you simply because you're desperate for friends and they can tell. They pity you._ " There is way again, the voice only speaking the truth. It hurt, but Kirishima couldn't do anything.

 **OoOoO**

Author's Note: Holy mackerel, I spent the rest of the day writing this. Gosh, what a tease, am I right? Kirishima should have just told Bakugou right then and there, but he didn't. Well, I suck. Don't forget to tell me what you think by commenting, and adios mah bois!~ 


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

"Man, something's up with Kirishima," Jiro whispered to the person beside her, noticing how quiet the redhead had been since the bell rang five minutes ago and, obviously, she wasn't the only one to notice this. Those who had the least bit of common sense could see the drastic difference in attitude in the redhead since two days ago when he was his usual, happy self. Turns out, the drastic change from the boy even worried Aizawa Sensei, but only a bit. He'd assume it was something everyone would go through and that it'd pass soon. It became even more worrying when Kirishima went back to his usual self halfway through the first break, though nobody questioned it; Assuming that he probably was feeling a little tired. "Bro, you feeling okay?" Kaminari asked his redhead friend who was sitting beside him on one of the many sofas. The two were currently in the common area with Sero and Mina. Kirishima replied with a grin and a soft: "Hell yeah!"

Kaminari raised a brow before sighing to continue his maths homework. He was going to let it go for now since the assignment was due the next day and he didn't need to fail another class. "Hey, Kaminari, Kirishima, do you have any plans for the next two weeks?" Mina asked out of the blue, looking up from her phone while asking said question. Kaminari didn't respond, too focused on that one question. Sero chirped up and said, "Me and Ashido aren't going anywhere so we thought we could spend the holidays doing stuff together." Kirishima had forgotten about the mid year break for the next two weeks. "I think I'm gonna see my aunt," Kirishima mumbled before looking back down to his homework. "Which is in America." The redhead whispered the last part, but the three others could hear him. Mina and Sero frowned in disappointment while Kaminari had let out a light sigh.

' _There goes our plans for the holidays. . ._ ' The three thought, a little disappointed.

 **OoOoO**

The week went by slowly, every second felt like an hour for the students of UA. During this time, Kirishima had returned to his usual self, easing everyone's worries. However, Kirishima felt like nothing during the week. Whenever he was suppose to feel happy, he just wanted to cry. Well, that was how he felt the entire week; feeling like breaking down and crying. He didn't have much motivation to do much, but still pretended to seem fine. He didn't want to worry his classmates and be a nuisance. Friday night, the class of 1-A planned a small party before the holiday. It was mostly Mina's plan which everyone somehow went along with. So here Kirishima was, sitting in a circle with the rest of his class— half of them drunk even though they weren't of the legal drinking age— playing truth or dare. "I'm gonna spin first!~" a drunk Mina slurred, a large grin plastered across her light pink face. The pinkette grabbed the empty glass bottle of vodka and spun it, very amused when it landed on the pissed looking Bakugou. "Hah," Mina giggled. "Truth or dare?~" Bakugou asked himself why he was doing this before getting up and saying, "Fuck this, I'm leaving." Before he could leave however, Jiro grabbed his wrist and stared daggers into his eyes. "Don't even think about leaving," she mouthed, looking very intimidating. Bakugou glared back at the girl before sitting back down and yelling, "Fucking fine. Dare." Mina grinned wickedly, eyeing the redhead beside the blonde. She knew how Bakugou felt for the redhead, mostly due to the fact that he was actually _nicer_ when he was around Kirishima. Knowing this, Mina was extremely happy with how much power she had in this situation. "Bakugou, don't kill me, but I _dare_ you to _kiss_ the person to your right." Bakugou looked to his left to see an extremely confused and flustered redhead. Looking back at the pinkette, Bakugou yelled, "Why the _fuck_ would I kiss shitty hair?!" Mina simply grinned at him, having a look in her eyes that said 'I- know- how- you- feel- about- him- so- you're- welcome'.

"Come on Bakugou!~ Kiss him!~" Uraraka said, smiling while being drunk off her ass. A few other of their classmates joined in, telling him to just kiss the boy. "Fuck you of you," Bakugou grunted before turning his head and kissing the redhead on the cheek. He had a light taint of pink on his cheeks which wasn't at all obvious while Kirishima was a bright bright. "You fucking happy?" Bakugou yelled, glaring at everyone who had said for him to kiss the redhead. "Very," Mina grinned before spinning the bottle, knowing fully well Bakugou would probably explode it. Much to Bakugou's pleasure, it landed on Mina. "Dare!~" the pinkette yelled, already ready for whatever Bakugou had to throw at her. What could you do? She had drunk six bottles of vodka and it didn't seem like she was going to stop anytime soon. She could barely hold her liquor.

 **OoOoO**

"Fucking Christ, we're supposed to clean this shit up?" Bakugou asked, glaring at Iida and the greenette beside him. The two boys had suggested that those were were still sober would help clean up the common area after taking their drunk classmates to their rooms. Those who weren't drunk were Iida, Todoroki, Midoriya, Kirishima, Bakugou and Tokoyami. Everyone else had somehow gotten drunk off their asses, most due to them unable to hold their liquor and getting wasted a few sips into the drink. "Unless you want to do it in the morning and possible miss your plans for the holidays?" Iida said, raising his eyebrows. Kirishima patted Bakugou on the shoulder and said, "Come on bro, there's six of us including shadow. We can get this cleaned up in no time!" Kirishima smiled slightly. In return, Bakugou simply rolled his eyes before mumbling, "Whatever the fuck you say shitty hair."

The five of them spent most of the night cleaning the common area, Midoriya and Tokoyami falling asleep first and then being followed by Iida and later Todoroki. The four were fast asleep on the sofas in the common area, each in positions that would definately make their muscles ache in the morning. "You don't seem tired, what's up with that?" Kirishima whispered to Bakugou, the two simply resting on one of the free sofas. They had cleaned up the rest of the mess almost an hour ago. "I am fucking tired, there's just no point in sleeping." Bakugou said, showing Kirishima the time which was almost half past four. Just an hour and a half before they'd have to get up, so there was no point. "And I should be asking you the same thing." Kirishima shifted his gaze back to his phone and sighed. "Have you heard of insomnia?" Kirishima asked, turning his head to face straight at his phone. He didn't want to see the reaction of the hotheaded male. "Yeah, why? Do you have it or some shit?" Bakugou asked, going back to doing what it was he was doing. As a response, Kirishima nodded.

"Wow, that's," Bakugou hesitated to find the right words. "Unlike you." Kirishima scoffed." It's unlike _you_ to be talking about this." Bakugou glared at Kirishima, not that the redhead could see, and mumbled, "Fuck you, shitty hair."

"Awh, I love you too Bakugou," Kirishima joked, not really thinking much of what he said. He got a side punch from Bakugou, the ash blonde having a slight red tint on his face. "Whatever," he grumbled, going back to do whatever on his phone. Kirishima scoffed before going back to do his own thing.

 **OoOoO**

 ** _A/N: Ack, I'm sorry for blanking on this for so long, I just got kinda busy??? I dunno, but I promise the next chapter'll take a while coz I'm gonna try to make it longer? Also, thank you all for the nice comments so far??? They make me feel like I'm not just wasting my time on a story nobody is ever going to see?? Anyways, see y'all in the next chapter uwu_**


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

" _She's young and ignorant, she doesn't realise how annoying and pathetic you are,_ "

 **OoOoO**

Kirishima waved goodbye to everyone, turning on his heel and heading further into the busy airport. Out of all of his classmates, he had the earliest flight that day, so most of them insisted on watching him go. At first, he said that there was no need, but they had insisted on it. "We'll miss you and would regret not seeing you off!" Mina had said, regardless of the obvious hangover she was suffering through. Kirishima realised there was no way he was going to convince them not to go, so he just accepted that fate and allowed them to tag along.

" _Let's be honest, they are overjoyed you left,_ " the voice chimed, sounding mockingly. Kirishima tried to block out those kind of thoughts, telling himself that it wasn't true. Though, the voice just kept at it, saying how happy they are that they won't have to put up with him. " _Face it, they would be better off with you dead._ " Kirishima shook his head, trying through his best efforts to tell himself otherwise. He made his way through the airport, the voice only getting louder and louder as he went. Once he got on the plane, he plugged in his earplugs. The voice echoed in his mind, telling him things he simply didn't want to think about. It was worse since his Aunt had gotten him his own seat in first class which meant he didn't have anyone around him. Just him and the voice.

" _Come on, we both know your mother abandoned you for a reason. Your aunt only took you in because she pitied you."_

The redhead took a sharp breath, pulling up his legs onto the seat and resting his forehead on his knees. His breath was shaky, his heart racing abnormally fast. The thought of his mother leaving him left him feeling anxious, worthless. His mother had left him with his aunt when he was ten. After that, the voice had first appeared, usually it was there to comfort him. But after a while, the voice became more vicious. It only got worse as years past. The voice left Kirishima feeling like he had no one; that everyone thought of him as an annoying piece of trash on the side of the road.

"Sir, are you alright?" Those words brought Kirishima out of his small panic attack. The redhead brought his head up to find a flight attendant looking down at him with eyes of worry. " _It's just her job, she doesn't actually care._ " Kirishima forced a shaky smile and responded quickly, "Yeah, just afraid of flying." He lied, but the flight attendant seemed to shrug it off and went back to helping others find their seats. This was going to be a long flight.

 **OoOoO**

"I'm sorry sir, but your aunt couldn't come meet you. Instead, she wanted me to take you to the household," an older looking man in a butler outfit was waiting in front of a fancy looking car Kirishima recognised very well. " _She says she cares, but she doesn't!_ " The voice said, followed by an empty laugh. Kirishima nodded with a dry chuckle, saying, "No worries, I know how busy she can get." The older looking man, who Kirishima assumed was a new butler his aunt hired, nodded politely before opening the door to the vehicle. He motioned for Kirishima's bags which was gladly given.

The drive was pretty much hell for the redhead. The voice in his head would just point out his faults and how he wasn't good enough for anyone. It truly hurt, but Kirishima couldn't help but think everything was true. Everything about how he wasn't good enough for anyone to waste their time on him, or how he was only invited over to America out of pity, truly hurt. But, it was all true. Why else would the voice say all these things?

Kirishima was brought out of his trance by a comforting and familiar voice. "Eiji, welcome home!" It was Amelie, his aunt's biological daughter and only other person who knew about the voice. "How was your flight? Do you have jet lag? Oh, how is it like at UA?!" The younger female was jumping around excitedly as Kirishima got out the car. The girl had black hair, much like Kirishima's natural hair, and bright blue eyes that resembled the sky on a sunny day. There was a Cheshire like smile permanently etched on her face that made her someone very positive to be around. Kirishima was only three years her senior, so there wasn't that big of an age difference. "Hey, Amelie," Kirishima greeted kindly, forcing a smile to mirror her's. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Exactly two years," Amelie smiled wider, excitement obvious in her features. "Your room hasn't changed at all since you've last been over by the way, wanna go look?" Kirishima nodded, feeling exhausted merely by the amount of socialisation he's had to go through today. "Yeah, I'm really _tired_ ," Kirishima admitted, receiving an understanding nod from his cousin. The two walked in a somewhat comfortable silence, knowing they'd have the rest of the week to catch up before Kirishima would need to leave again. "I'll get someone to bring your stuff," Amelie said softly, pushing open the door to Kirishima's temporary bedroom, the door making a light creak. "Thank you," Kirishima mouthed, Amelie smiling wider in response and then skipping off to who knows where. " _She's young and ignorant, she doesn't realise how annoying and pathetic you are,_ " the voice spoke, Kirishima soaking up every word like a spondge.

He closed the door behind him as he walked inside the empty room, the faint fagrance of rosemary danced in the air. The pale yellow curtains blew inwards from the open windows, sun shining through the cracks the revealing dusk particles that danced in the air.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

 **OoOoO**

To say the class was confused would be an understatement.

"What do you mean, 'Kirishima isn't going to be with us any longer'?" Mina asked, her brows furrowed in pure confusion.

"You're saying it as if he died or something," Kaminari chimed in with his unwanted comments.

Aizawa sighed lightly, knowing the students deserved an explanation. "Halfway through the break, Kirishima's aunt came over and withdrew Kirishima from UA, although the reason why is confidential." Aizawa explain in a monotone, shrugging afterwards. This left the class in an unusual silence.

 _'Why would he leave?'_ They all asked themselves— even those who weren't very close to the redhead.

 **OoOoO**

" _I can't believe it, "_ the voice mocked the redhead, its voice laced with venom. " _You're such a failure, you can't even kill yourself? How pathetic must you be?'_

Kirishima stared up the ceiling the now empty bottle of pills resting in the palm of his hands with the pills scattered across the bathroom tiles. The third attempt this week; the third failure this week. How'd he manage to fail so many times was even a mystery to him. "Kirishima, are you in there?" The familiar voice of his aunt called out to the redhead from the other side of the door— she was oblivious to Kirishima's mental state. " Yep!" Kirishima called back, forcing himself to sound cheerful which he found to be getting harder and harder each day.

"It's late, you should be getting ready for school tomorrow."

School. . . Kirishima was starting his first day at a prestigious academy meant to train heroes; best in the country, many said. Kirishima was never really sure of that though. _How can it be the best school in the country if they accepted me?_

"Almost done," Kirishima called, desperately scrambling to pick up all the pills off the ground so he wouldn't be caught. He heard his aunt hesitate for a moment before continuing with, "If there's something wrong, you know you can tell me, right? I know this is all so sudden, so if you need a couple of days to situate yourself, let me know, alright?"

Kirishima chucked the bottle of pills into the trashcan before sliding the door open, a gentle smile on his face. "If something was wrong, I'll definitely let you know."

His aunt seemed to have a mixed expression of sadness and something Kirishima could quite place — was it relief? "I just couldn't stand you being around them anymore. My sister — your mother — " it was clear she was struggling to find the right words to say what she was thinking.

"It's alright," Kirishima interrupted, finding it hard to watch his aunt struggle. "I'm glad I'm here."

His aunt sent him a wavering smile, holding both his hands in her's. "I'm sorry I couldn't do much sooner."

"It's not your fault," Kirishima whispered, followed by a tired sigh. "I'm going to head to bed. Gotta get some sleep before school, right?"

His aunt nodded, her smile fading slightly. "Alright."

 **OoOoO**

"How long has it been? Five — six, maybe — years?" Kirishima found his gaze fixated on the petite girl standing in front of him. Her hair was much shorter than when he last saw her, cut into a cute pixie bob, although just a golden as he remembers.

"Six years and seven months," Pony smiled, pulling the redhead into a warm hug. "Gosh, your English is so good! I hope you haven't forgotten how to speak Japanese."

"Just as fluent as ever," Kirishima said in his native dialect. He and Pony had gotten in contact a couple months after their second year started, when Pony's brother moved into Kirishima's class. It was an unexpected friendship to say the least, but it's pulled through the last six years — that's got to count for something.

"Ah, everyone's going to be so shocked when they see you!" Pony said, taking one of Kirishima's luggages.

Right, there was a three year gathering for former classes A and B. Kirishima only managed to get invited because Pony could bring a plus one.

"I'm a little nervous to be honest," Kirishima muttered, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "Moving back to Japan is crazy, and seeing everyone to top that."

"I get what you mean," Pony hummed. "Plus, isn't your niece attending UA next month, too? Must be stressful."

Kirishima ignored the strange looks they received from passerbyers. It isn't everyday you see two foreign heroes speaking fluent Japanese — somewhat fluent on Pony's part.

"Yeah, but once it's over, it's over," Kirishima said, pulling out the buzzing device from his pocket. "Ah, it's my housing agent. Imma take this real quick."

"Alright, I'll get us a taxi," Pony smiled, trodding off to the roadside to catch them a taxi.

"Hello?" Kirishima said through the phone, letting go of his bag and stuffing his hand into his pocket. The call didn't last long, only Kirishima getting notified that the house keys were left with the woman at the desk on the ground floor and that his boxes had arrived.

"Thank you, again," Kirishima said before hanging up the phone. He turned back to Pony who was already lugging Kirishima's luggage into the back. The redhead jogged up to her and silently helped her with the second before jumping into the backseat. Pony sat down beside the driver and told him the address of Kirishima's condo before they fell into a calm silence; well, as silent as a taxi drive might get on the busy city streets.

"Wow, it's super big!" Pony commented on the size of Kirishima's condo. While it might be the average size of a house you might find, say America for example, it was large compared to the usual size of apartments in Japan. "I'm kinda jealous!~ Hey, Eiji, can I move in? I'll sleep on the couch!"

Kirishima let out a barely audible giggle as he replied, "I'm sure your place isn't that small. Besides, wouldn't your boyfriend be jealous if you moved in with some other guy?"

"Have you ever heard about a poly relationship?" Pony huffed, falling lazily onto the couch that was, surprisingly, exactly where Kirishima wanted it. "Besides, I'm living with Kendou and Tetsu right now, so the place is pretty small for three people. Plus, Monoma's fine with whoever I live with — we aren't really serious about the whole dating thing."

Kirishima couldn't ignore the hint of sadness in Pony's voice at the last part. "Hey, since you're well educated on this place, why don't you show me to the closest supermarket? I can cook dinner."

The smile that took up half of Pony's face and the slight twinkle in her eyes gave Kirishima the thought, ' _If I weren't gay, I'd definitely have fallen for her.'_


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

"Ten out of ten, wouldn't recommend," Kirishima muttered, feeling highly unsatisfied with the apparent '5 star' restaurant; judging by Pony's expression, she felt the same.

"Might as well rename it to Toys R Us," Pony huffed, referring to her previous comment on how the food tasted like plastic. Kirishima decided not to ask why she knew the taste of plastic.

"Toys R Us sells better food than there," Kirishima retorted, gaining a light giggle from the blonde.

"Oh shoot, I just remembered what time it is!" Pony squeaked, pulling out her phone. She unlocked it quickly, held it up and snapped a quick photo. The photo was picture perfect and, if she didn't know any better, she would say they looked like a couple. Of course, she _did_ know better.

"What was that for?" Kirishima questioned, trying to get a peek at the blonde's screen. He gained a cheerful hum from the girl which meant he'd have to see.

"Border, soft pink filter, tag _and_ post."

The blonde stuffed her phone into a pocket, a wide grin on her face. A skeptical look found its way onto Kirishima's face, but decided not to think about what just happened; he'd end up overthinking and that would lead him to a place he'd prefer to avoid for now. "I'm going to assume that grin of yours is a good thing."

"Hmmm, interpret it as you may," Pony said, turning back to her native dialect to sound more wise. "I have done a great many deeds for you just with the click of a button."

"Mhmm, I'm sure you did," Kirishima muttered, unknowingly turning to the English language as well. "Sure you did."

"C'mon, don't be like that," Pony laughed, poking Kirishima softly on the cheek. "I swear, I didn't do anything bad."

"When you say that, it only furthers my belief that you did," Kirishima replied, swatting the girl's hand away from his face. He sighed, slightly defeated. "Let's just head back to my apartment, the 'party' is in a couple hours, and I know how long it takes you to get ready."

"Oi!" Pony huffed, unable to contain the giggle escaping her lips.

 **OoOoO**

Kirishima fixed his tie for the sixth time that hour, his nerves and anxiety getting the best of him. What if he made a bad impression on everyone? What if they were resentful towards him due to his sudden disappearance? What if they kick him out of the party because he didn't count as a graduate from UA?

Kirishima felt his breathing hitch, his lung feeling right against his ribcage. His thoughts swirling his mind in an uncontrollable mess, morphing into more anxiety triggering thoughts. Maybe he should bail right before they arrive, then he wouldn't need to face anyone and their hateful looks. But if he did that, would Pony hate him for it? Would she not want him as a friend anymore? Kirishima felt sweat build up on his forehead and tears lightly prick his eyes; he wouldn't handle going through something like that again — his mother and friends from America already did, Pony leaving him would break his heart.

"Eiji, you alright in there? You've been in the toilet for ages, and I'm starting to think you might be constipated or something," Pony's voice sliced through Kirishima's negative thoughts, dragging him back to reality. He took note to talk about maybe getting stronger medication, or heavier doses — rationality wasn't on his side at that moment.

"Yeah, sorry, struggling with the tie," Kirishima admitted, sliding open the bathroom door to see the blonde already dressed.

Pony wore a scarlet red cocktail dress, fitted perfectly for her petite figure, ending a little a over her knees. The dress had flecks of gold near the bottom, creating a fade effect from gold to red, matching well with the gold clip in her hair. Speaking of hair, Pony had tied her hair into a somewhat messy side bun, a loose braid trailing from her fringe to said bun. The clip held back the loose hairs that threatened to fall over her face. She had a small golden purse in her hand with a black cardigan draped over her forearm.

"Hey, someone's put a little effort into their appearance tonight," Kirishima said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Unlike you," Pony said, rolling her eyes while lifting her hands to do the redhead's tie. "Actually, you don't look too bad."

And he didn't. Kirishima wore a simple black evening suit with a creamy white button up shirt underneath, a bright red tie blended well into the outfit with the help of his hair being a similar colour. His hair was let down, unlike his usual style, giving a more softer look. "Well, if you hadn't have chosen the outfit, I would most likely stick out like a sore thumb tonight."

"Don't be silly," Pony snorted, gently placing a comforting hand on Kirishima's forearm. She knew he was nervous the moment he stepped out of the bathroom. There was a short silence that fell between them before she spoke once again, although in a more hushed manner. "Hey, it's okay to be nervous. If it makes you feel better, we can stick together all night."

"Thanks," Kirishima muttered, squeezing Pony's hand a little tightly. And, as quickly as the mood had shifted before, it shifted once again to their usual playful mood. "Now, I'm actually starving — that restaurant can't even count as real food — so let's get going."

"Yeah, I'm starving too," Pony admitted, locking their arms together with a wide smile. "Off to catch a taxi?"

Kirishima smiled back at Pony. "Off to catch a taxi."

 **OoOoO**

To say Kirishima was having a mental breakdown would be the understatement of the century.

"Hey hey hey, calm down," Pony said, furrowing her brows on concern as she eyes the boy beside her. The two sat in the back of a taxi, only two minutes away from pro hero Creati's house( aka the designated venue of the party), and only now learning about how the get together was in a way being televised; only from outside the building though.

"I can't," Kirishima admitted, balling his fists on his knees. His nerves were acting up and this was the first thing that came to mind to try and calm them. "Maybe I should just not go? Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, don'tcha think?"

"Sounds like a great idea, for a coward," Pony said, shaking her head disapprovingly. "Listen, Eiji, what's the worse that could possibly happen tonight?"

"I would write you a list on every single possible outcome of tonight right now and skip the entire event- actually that doesn't sound like such a bad idea, can I do that?" Kirishima said, clearly rambling due to the nerves. Pony sighed lightly, getting flashbacks to the phone call they had right before Kirshima had to present his final project on the hero laws in front of a classroom containing an enormous number of three students.

"I'd rather read a thesis on how Cinderella is secretly Buzz from Toy Story then allow you to leave me alone tonight," the blonde replied, gently squeezing Kirishima's balled fists. She took notice of the mansion appearing in the distance; maybe another minute or so until they arrived. "Just listen, if anything bad happens, we'll leave immediately, alright?"

That seemed to bring Kirishima back to his sense as he nodded curtly. "You're right. I'm sorry, I'm just a little anxious to see everyone after almost seven years.."

"Worst case scenario: nobody remembers you." Pony said, trying to comfort the redhead. Much to her surprise, it actually seemed to work. Well, up until the moment when the car stopped and the driver said, "We're here. That'll be seven hundred yen."

Pony sighed, handing the driver ten thousand yen and muttering, "Keep the change."

The blonde opened the door, stepped one foot out before turning her upper body to face the redhead. She held a hand out and said, "Let's go."

Kirishima hesitantly took the blonde's hand, replying with a sheepish, "Alright," before following the girl out of the car. Almost immediately he was blinded by the flashing lights from cameras and a sea of questions came his way.

"It's alright," Pony reassured him, sending a comforting smile and light nudge in the side. Kirishima couldn't help but smile back. He had almost forgotten the cameras and interviewers surrounding them until he heard a specific question that reminded him exactly where he was.

"Red Riot, is it true you used to attend UA in your first year before moving to the States?"

"Sorry mister, but we won't be answering any questions tonight," Pony smiled kindly at the reporter before dragging Kirishima along the elegant red carpet leading up to the entrance. Kirishima was getting vague Hollywood vibes from the setup. And, as if Pony had read his mind, said, "It's based off Hollywood red carpet events."

Kirishima hummed, twiddling the hem of his dinner suit between his middle and index finger anxiously. The silky smooth cloth between his fingers was almost enough to calm down his nerves. "You think they have those ' _my name is_ ' stickers?"

"Hopefully," Pony grinned. "Maybe some red cups too, and a bunch of cheap beer."

"Let's hope," Kirishima grinned back, pushing the large doors open to enter the lavish mansion. It took the duo moments to adjust to the elegance of the event; they sort of felt out of place. Like two elephants among kittens, or bagels among donuts.

"Yaoyorzoru really outdid herself tonight," Pony said, taking a moment to admire the large crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the vases of flowers scattered around the room in an orderly fashion, and the warm lighting of the room. "I'm surprised she did this much for the entrance, God knows what she has done for the main room."

"Yeah," was all Kirishima could say, feeling his heart squeeze in his chest. "Welp, wanna see what 'God knows'?"

"Yuppies," Pony giggles, hooking their arms together at the elbows. The duo walked up to the large doors at the end of the room, both feeling quite anxious. Pony, without much hesitation or regard to Kirishima's second thoughts, pushed open the doors. As luck would have it, their entrance wasn't noticed by anyone already present in the room; they were too busy dancing, talking or eating to really care.

"See, it isn't so bad, is it?" Pony asked, letting the door close behind them as they made their way slowly to the food tables.

"It's only been twelve seconds since we arrived," Kirishima grunted.

"Bruh," Pony sighed. "Come on, tonight'll be fun, you'll see."

"Yeah, can't _wait_ to stand in the corner by the food for a couple of hours. Sounds like _I'm gonna have the time of my life,"_ Kirishima replied, sarcasm laced in his voice. The two were currently talking in English as Kirishima usually turned to that when he got nervous or sarcastic. Pony just turned when Kirishima did.

"Oh look, I think I see Kendou and Tetsu, wanna say hi?" Pony asked, tugging lightly on Kirishima's sleeve and pointing in the direction of said duo. They were currently talking to each other by the food table, so it was inevitable Pony would start up conversation.

"I don't think I have a choice," Kirishima replied, already getting dragged towards the two.

"Hey guys," Pomy greeted, catching the attention of Kendou and Tetsutetsu.

"Mm, hey Pony, didn't see you there." Kendou smiled, noticing there was someon behind the blonde. "Ah, and who is thi-?" She stopped mid sentence, her face painted with shock. By now Tetsutetsu had the same expression, but it quickly turned into happiness.

"Hey dude!" Tetsutetsu grinned, holding out his arm to shake hands. Kirishima hesitantly shook the other's hand, a small smile finding its way onto his face.

"Hey, how've you been? It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, a long while. I'm doing great, what about you?" Tetsutetsu didn't seem too bothered by Kirishima's sudden reappearance after seven years, or maybe he was just hiding it. Regardless, Tetsutetsu's laid back attitude was somewhat calming.

"Well, I'm moving back to Japan," Kirishima said.

"Really? Dude, that's awesome! Maybe you could come over to our place sometime, right Kendou?" Tetsutetsu turned to said girl who had already recovered from her shock.

"Of course. You do seem awfully close with Pony, too," Kendou replied. "But I must warn you, never come when it's Tetsu's turn to cook."

"Hey!" Tetsutetsu cried, his cheeks flushing dark as the three around his started laughing. "I'm a great cook!"

"Don't worry, man, I'm sure you are," Kirishima said, holding back a giggle as he placed a hand on the other's shoulder.

The group chatted for a while, mostly talking about hero work, Japan life, those kind of stuff. They fell back into the steady rhythm they had back in their first year, talking about things they all would probably forget about tomorrow.

"So what made you decide to move back?" Kendou asked, swirling the glass of champagne in her hand at a steady pace. "You don't need to answer if you're not comfortable." Kendou could tell the redhead was a little taken aback by the question, seeing as it came out of nowhere. "Sorry, I'm just really curious."

"My niece is going to study at UA," Kirishima answered, throwing the girl a soft smile. "I didn't want her to stay here alone, since she knows next to nothing on Japanese, so I decided I'd come here with her."

"You should meet her, she's super cute," Pony added. "She's little a mini version of Eiji, except female and with a different quirk."

"You'll have to let us meet sometime," Kendou smiled warmly at Kirishima.

"I'd think she'd love that." Kirishima's smile seemed to widen just that little bit more.


End file.
